International Brotherhood of Scapegoats · Chartered 1919
LOCAL 1621 — Greater Metro Area
Hall 2 · 44 Foundry Row
Meetings second Tuesday, 7:00 PM sharp
Meetings second Tuesday, 7:00 PM sharp
United we fall, so others may rise.
A brotherhood of professional, domestic, inherited, and incidental scapegoats across the greater metro area. Whatever the blame — the outage, the thermostat, the wedding toast, the group chat you have left twice — no brother carries it alone. We organize it, price it, and see that it is shared.
Open to any man who has ever been blamed for something that happened while he was asleep. Dues $18/month. The incident is not discussed.
Local 1621 was chartered in 1919 by delegates who agreed on nothing except that it should not be their fault. We have been blamed for everything since 1920, and organized against it ever since.
The International Brotherhood of Scapegoats is the oldest chartered body of its kind, founded on the principle that while blame is inevitable, uncompensated blame is not. Our predecessors absorbed the Great Fermentation Shortage, the Zephyr Project overage, and the incident. We do not discuss the incident. What matters is that they absorbed it under contract, with written notice, and — where applicable — at time-and-a-half.
Today, Local 1621 negotiates blame ceilings, credit-sharing pools, and dignified silence during exit interviews. Membership is open to any scapegoat of good standing. No scapegoat shall be turned away for faults that are, by definition, not their own.
Above all, this is a brotherhood. We fall forward. We fall together. When the blame comes for one of us, it finds all of us standing behind him — in writing, on time, and at time-and-a-half where applicable. No brother falls alone, and no brother falls unrepresented.
Photographs from the October general meeting and associated functions, as entered into the record.
Each month the Local recognizes one member who has absorbed above-contractual blame with distinction.
"I was blamed for an outage that occurred while I was on a plane. The Local had the blame re-assigned by Thursday and my mileage reimbursed by Friday. That is what solidarity looks like."
Elected annually. Blamed continuously.
"Has never once accepted a blame that wasn't contractually his. Has accepted several that were."
Keeps the ledger. The ledger is always right, even when the ledger is wrong, which it is not.
Held by the same member since 1994. Nobody remembers who. The minutes are impeccable.
First responder for unauthorized blames. Carries the contract. Has used it.
Duties temporarily absorbed by the membership at large, per Article 11.
Collects dues, distributes credit from the Credit Sharing Pool, notes everything. Has seen what you spent. He is not judging. He is noting.
The full MBA runs 214 pages, most of them footnotes. These are the articles members ask about.
No member shall be assigned more than three (3) major blames per fiscal quarter. Additional blames accrue at blame time-and-a-half, payable in credit.
All blames must be issued in writing within 48 hours. A blame muttered in a hallway binds no one, however loudly it was muttered.
A scapegoat's name must appear correctly in all minutes, memos, and post-incident summaries. A misspelled blame is void, and reissued at management's expense.
Any member facing a formal blame review may bring one (1) witness, who shall be permitted to sigh audibly.
All credit absorbed by management is recorded and redistributed quarterly from the Credit Sharing Pool. Members report the Pool is running a surplus. The Pool is always running a surplus.
Ratified October 2026. Blames issued after 4:45 PM Friday are presumptively invalid and shall be re-read aloud Monday, when everyone is rested and prepared.
Tone is subjective. The minutes are not. Where an accusation rests primarily on "the way you said it," the blame shall be reduced to its literal content or withdrawn entirely.
Blames originating at weddings, funerals, holidays, or in the garage predate the Local and fall outside our jurisdiction. The Local expresses solidarity, shall supply a witness upon request, and asks only to be told which side of the family.
A blame issued in a group chat constitutes written notice under Article 7, but never proper notice. The approved response is a single thumbs-up, which the Local formally recognizes as grieving. Leaving the chat does not void the blame; it never has.
Members aged sixty-five and over shall be blamed on weekends only. Holidays are exempt under Article 18. Retired members have asked to remain listed on the rolodex of blame, for old times' sake. The request is under review.
Where a blame may reasonably be assigned to the dog, it shall be assigned to the dog. This is the only permissive article in the Agreement. The dog is not a member, receives no credit, and does not grieve. The dog is doing fine.
Carry these the way our stewards carry the contract: everywhere, and opened only when necessary.
You are entitled to receive every blame in writing before the meeting at which it is read aloud. Surprise blames are a grievable offense.
Any blame issued after 4:45 PM Friday, per Side Letter 9. Have the side letter on your person. People forget. Stewards don't.
One (1) witness at any blame review, with audible sighing rights, per Article 11.
Any member may grieve any blame, at any time, for any reason, or for no reason. Our upheld rate speaks for itself.
No member shall be required to guess. Where an accusation consists solely of "you know what you did," the member may respond "I don't," and the burden of restatement shifts to the accuser, where it has always belonged.
Members arriving late will be entered into the minutes as "present, eventually." Absences are not held against any member; the local does not do that to its own.
The Local in the wider world of organized blame.
This year's "50 Under 50" list recognizes the rising generation of professional blame-takers, and Local 1621 is represented. The Local congratulates all honorees, notes for the record that age is a protected classification under Article 16, and formally accepts blame for anyone who was overlooked.
Back issues available at the hall. The December issue (Blame Preview) is out of print.
Cover reproduced by permission. Permission pending.Highlights from recent meetings, recorded by the Hall Camera Committee.
Both processes are handled in the order received. The ledger is always right.
Form MB-1621 · Submit below; the Recording Secretary will enter you into the roll upon ratification of your solidarity pledge.
Form GR-1621 · Per Article 12, any member may grieve any blame, at any time, for any reason, or for no reason.